In 2005, the writer David Foster Wallace gave one of this century’s most famous and important commencement addresses at Kenyon College. He said, “The really significant education and thinking that we’re supposed to get in a place like this isn’t really about the capacity to think, but rather about the choice of what to think about.”
He was right, and he seemed to anticipate that two decades later, there are so many powerful people and companies trying to take that choice from you.
They compete with each other to capture your attention. Think about that phrase. It acknowledges that your attention is valuable, but it also reveals that some of the biggest corporations in human history, they’re not trying to earn your attention, they’re not trying to deserve your attention, they’re trying to take it from you.
Treasure your attention more than the people who want to take it from you. Never forget what it’s worth. For Meta, it’s more than a trillion dollars. For you and your life, it’s priceless.
Once you’re in control of your attention, you can start to ask yourself one of life’s most exciting questions, which is, what do I want to do? Of course, the answer to this question is going to be different for each of you. But looked at in another way, the answer may be the same for all of you. What should you do? You should do hard things.
This is among the most universal pieces of advice from our ancestors. In the words of two great philosophers, Friedrich Nietzsche and Kelly Clarkson, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
The psychological foundation of this great truth is that humans and especially young people are not fragile. They are anti-fragile, to use a term coined by NYU professor Nassim Taleb. Fragile things break when they get knocked over or challenged. So we need to protect them vigilantly. But anti-fragile things grow stronger, so we need to expose them to challenge diligently.
Spend a lot of your attention on real people in the real world. […] Today, one of the most common experiences of adulthood, especially in ambitious cities among high-achieving people, is a strange kind of loneliness. You can be messaging people all day. You can see everyone’s lives unfold in real time. And yet despite all this so-called connection, you may find yourself feeling increasingly alone.
Friendship now requires much more intentionality than it once did. So my advice, as you think about what does and doesn’t deserve your attention, is reach out to others, even when it feels awkward. Call someone you love just to say hi. Invite someone to dinner and say yes when someone invites you. Be the one who makes things happen in the real world, and others will be grateful to you.
You’ll face the universal challenges encountered by all the generations who came before you, and you’ll face the unique challenges that have arisen for your generation. But if you treasure your attention and then use it to do hard things in real life with other people, then, and trust me on this as a social psychologist, your life is going to be amazing. And the world is going to be a far better place because you’re in it.
